I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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