my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
