Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
