If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
