I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
