Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
