I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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