i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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