if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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