Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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