Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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