3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
