wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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