Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
