Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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