Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
