Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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