Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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