dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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