I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
