the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she woke up with a sticky ear
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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