EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
