Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
