I accidentally burped into my bong.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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