She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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