"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
