would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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