If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
