i just sent this text using only my big toe
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
