When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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