We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
