A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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