I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
