I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I supernannyed him into submission
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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