im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
