He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
