Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
