based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize