i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
