apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
