Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
