is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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