my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize