She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
