I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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