New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
