You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
