and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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