dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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