i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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