Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
