____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
