I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
