oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
