I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
