Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
