just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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