I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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