I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
