I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude. I can hear the air.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
