he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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