I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He better not be in your backpack
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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