there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
