Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize