I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize