Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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