fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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